


aggressive dog

by disstrack



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Hunger Games Setting, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Changbin-centric, Childhood Friends, Friends to Lovers, Gen, Implied/Referenced Character Death, M/M, Non-Linear Narrative, slight PTSD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-02
Updated: 2018-01-02
Packaged: 2019-02-27 06:02:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,632
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13241985
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/disstrack/pseuds/disstrack
Summary: Felix will survive; Changbin will make sure of it.or: Felix is a tribute. Changbin is his mentor, his childhood friend, and maybe something a bit more.





	aggressive dog

**Author's Note:**

> a quick fic i whipped up, so it’s not that developed. highkey based on the fact that during the sk survival show, changbin faced so much internal guilt for what happened and what was happening to minho and felix. but in the hunger games setting, to make things more intense and angsty. it's half-romance and half-binnie angst, 'cause i also felt really bad for that bb at the time. pov alters back and forth between the two main characters, and changbin’s pov focuses more on his character while felix’s is on the romance. 
> 
> additional info:  
> ROK (Republic of Korea) = Panem  
> Seoul = The Capitol  
> District 10 = livestock (there’s not much info abt them, so it’s a setting that’s easy to manipulate)

> changbin

They trek through the forest in silence, Felix tugging on his hand and Changbin reluctantly following him. The younger knows his way around, a clear sign that he’s been here a lot. Chan hates it when they go to the woods, says it’s too dangerous, that even he wouldn’t step a foot into it until he’s at least eighteen. Changbin is twelve and Felix is eleven, and Felix spends most of his time here, familiarizing himself, hunting to hone his skills. Changbin can’t figure out why he’s been brought here; it’s not like Felix has ever needed help, and the elder’s never been interested in the wildlife.

He finds out why soon enough: there’s a dead boar stuck in a spiked cage made of sturdy wood - Felix’s creation, no doubt. It's a fresh kill. Felix opens the cage from the top, splitting it in half, and the wild boar rips into two in the process, meat firmly stuck to the spikes. Changbin doesn’t get how it works, but it honestly looks cool.

“Wanna trade?” Felix asks, knowing what he’s thinking. “I can teach you how to make it.”

Changbin pulls a face, suddenly realizing what game Felix is playing at. “No thanks.” He says, hand going to his pocket to check if the knife is still there, a gift from his dead parents and an item Felix loudly claims he wants to steal but hasn’t _actually_ touched yet. He felt flattered the first few times the younger begged him to teach him how to use it, but now it was just annoying. The weapon is still inside, fortunately. “I don’t get why you wanna learn how to use weapons so badly. You’ve already got other skills, other hobbies.”

“It’s not the same.” Felix says, frowning. Changbin gets it, but he also doesn’t. Not really. “And I don’t _just_ want to know how to use a knife.” He fishes out the said weapon, to the other’s surprise. Changbin didn’t even know Felix owned one, though he probably snagged it from someone else. “But also how to manipulate it, fight with it.” He turns the blade around, examining it. “Kill with it.”

“I’ve never killed anyone with mine.” Changbin points out. “Neither will you.”

“I don’t get why you’re not worried about it. The Games, I mean.” Felix says, fiddling, half out of nervousness and the other from enthusiasm. The latter part, at least, isn’t unfamiliar. “You don’t even bother preparing for it. Is it because you think you’re ready for it?”

“It’s not that.” Felix glances at him, and Changbin resists the urge to wipe the troubled look on his face. “The odds were in our favor. None of us got called for this year’s Reaping. Chan-hyung said we don’t even have a big chance of getting picked because we don’t have that many papers in. Not as much as others anyway.” He explains. “The odds are in favor, so you don’t need to learn it.” Changbin smiles, trying to reassure him. “Isn’t that what hyung always tells us?”

 

 ♕

> felix

The odds are in their favor, Chan tells them, like a mantra. The odds are in their favor, Changbin tells him, echoing Chan’s words. The odds are in their favor, but a year later Changbin’s name gets called and he’s forced to walk up to the podium in silence. He doesn’t have parents, Chan is absent from the scene, somehow always managing to escape attending, and Felix and Jisung are too shocked to make a move, still scared. There are no volunteers who step up to save a thirteen-year-old boy walking to his death. Changbin’s expression is broadcasted on the screen, but he doesn’t look fazed. _“It’s okay_.” he later tells the younger, before he’s taken away by the train and sent to prepare for the Games. What he doesn’t admit, but Felix knows he’s thinking: _I don’t need them, because I will win; I will not die._ And Felix holds onto his every word that he didn’t say.

Seo Changbin is the youngest tribute of the Games that year, and he’s the youngest tribute to ever win in history. The entire ROK sees a monster prodigy who rose to the top, but Felix only sees his hyung and thinks, not for the first time: _I want to be just like him_.

 

 ♕

>  changbin

Chan enters Changbin's room and wakes him up. The younger grumbles and acts like he can’t be bothered with listening, wanting the older to go away and let him rest more. He pretends like he hadn’t been awake for hours, staring at the ceiling and then staring at his whole bedroom like a foreign place, like he never grew up here, unable to sleep because he didn’t like what he dreamt of.

“You shouldn’t have come here if you didn’t want to be woken up.” Chan tells him, instead of asking what he’s doing here. He stopped asking years ago. “There’s a reason you have a house in Victors’ Village all to yourself.” Changbin rubs his eyes, still going on with his act, though he’s clearly thinking, letting Chan’s words sink in even if they’re more or less the same every time. “C’mon,” the oldest says. “The kids should be waking up soon. If you don’t wanna see them, then leave now.” He’s already walking away as Changbin sits up. “Or stay for breakfast, for once.”

“I’ll have to decline.” Changbin replies, voice clearer than it should be for someone who had just been in dreamland. Chan doesn’t notice, thankfully. The younger follows him out of the room. “I’ve got an errand to do.”

“That’s new.” Chan muses from the kitchen. “Something important?”

“Something like that.”

“Reaping related?”

Changbin hesitates. “Yeah,” He says. He doesn’t remember the last time Chan’s inquired about any of Changbin’s activities, but he knows that it’s always been a habit of the older, making an effort to know what they’re all doing, even if he never asks for many details unless they’re willing to give it. It’s familiar. Changbin sort of misses it.

“I see.” Chan simply says. When Changbin turns to him, he’s busy setting up the table, but he can see the concern from the way he bites his lip. The younger wonders if the errand’s context is that obvious.

A door swinging open and the footsteps causing the floorboards to squeak stop their conversation. There’s no one that comes to view, but Changbin knows that it’s Seungmin, walking through the hall and into the bathroom. He’s probably still too sleepy to have heard or processed what they were saying. Changbin slips out of the kitchen before he can be seen.

“Don’t worry.” He tells Chan, stopping by the door, right before he leaves. “I’ll be fine.” He means his words; he hopes his hyung notices that. And then he goes.

“Hyung, were you talking to someone?” Changbin hears someone ask, the moment he’s outside. The voice is deep, low, familiar. He almost lets himself acknowledge the ache in his chest.

“You’re probably hearing things.” Chan replies. “You should really stop sleeping late.”

“But you barely get any sleep.”

Changbin walks away before Chan can reply. He thinks that if he stays longer and listens in, he might do something stupid, like come in. He’s content enough with that brief conversation, that brief moment full of nostalgia and familiarity and longing.

As long as they’re all safe, Changbin thinks, not looking back at the house he once thought to be his home- the house he still considers home, he’ll be fine. He’ll be content.

 

 ♕

>  felix

Changbin looks at Felix with an expression Felix can’t read. It’s weird, because he can usually tell what the other’s thinking just by looking at his face. The fact that he can’t now – Felix doesn’t know what that implies, what that means.

“What?” Felix asks, breaking the silence. The view outside isn’t as interesting as it was a few minutes ago. The train moves, heading to Seoul, and they’re the only two inside the car. Yeji, the female tribute he was with earlier, had left with the escort, Woojin, going on a tour around the place. Felix didn’t want to join, but maybe he should have. They’re scarily little in number in a large train like this. District 10 only has one remaining victor, and he’s only nineteen.

“Nothing.” Changbin says. “You’re handsome.”

Felix blushes, because it’s the first time Changbin’s ever complimented him like that. “It’ll help with getting sponsors.” Changbin adds, matter-of-fact. Felix’s mood dampens at that, and it feels petty, to feel like this just because Changbin’s not saying these things for the reasons he wants him to. Felix acts like he isn’t bothered. “And they won’t have to change you that much to win Seoul over.”

The younger pauses, thinking. When he asks, his voice is quiet, cautious. “Did they do that to you?”

Changbin shrugs like it's not worth thinking about. Felix wonders how many times Changbin had to replay his memories over and over again until he started becoming unaffected by them. “Guess they did. I’m not beautiful.”

Felix thinks that’s a lie, because Changbin’s one of the most beautiful people he’s ever met.

 

 ♕

>  changbin

Changbin is nineteen and only has to wait for two more years until his entire family is safe from the Reaping. He’s nineteen and entered the Games at thirteen, and came out victorious and a legend. He’s nineteen and his heart has never been emptier than it is now, when Felix is walking up to the stage he’s currently standing on, the one only _Changbin_ was supposed to stand on, as the male tribute for this year’s Games.

Jisung, Seungmin, and Jeongin are crying. They can do it more openly here, when it’s only their family inside the large, empty room. Jisung had been the loudest, yelled at Changbin and said it was his fault that this was happening all over again, but Chan pried him away and now Felix is hugging him. Changbin watches them interact from a distance, and none of it feels real.

“Last time, you were much closer.” Chan says, suddenly appearing beside him.

“In what sense?” Changbin inquires, but he doesn’t expect a reply. “That was four years ago. Things are different now.”

“Maybe.” The oldest considers. “Doesn’t feel too different though from the other two times though.” It’s Chan’s third time now. It’s hard on him too, even if he never admits it, never acknowledges it. Changbin wants to comfort him, but Chan isn’t looking for it, and he doesn’t think he has the strength to give it. “You didn’t cry when Minho got Reaped.”

Changbin remembers that. It visits his dreams occasionally, but it never feels like a nightmare. More like a reminder. He thinks about Minho a lot, and tightens his grip on his own arm. “What does that have to do with anything?”

“You looked like you were going to.” Chan says. “When Felix got called.”

Changbin doesn’t know what he looked like or how he was reacting when Felix’s name left Woojin’s lips, but he remembers his vision nearly blurring, remembers taking a step back, maybe even walking away despite the fact that he’s not supposed to, despite the fact that it shows a clear sign of weakness he isn’t allowed to have. He doesn’t remember anything else. Perhaps he’s better off not knowing. “Well, I’m not.” Not right now anyway. He doesn’t think he has the right to.

 

 ♕

>  felix

The name of Felix's stylist is Hyunjin, and he is very handsome. He’s not like the typical kind of stylist Felix expects him to be (though he’s never actually met one before) – he’s quiet and serious, doesn’t exaggerate and immediately says what he thinks. For someone who’s from Seoul, he doesn’t act like he is. Then again, so does Woojin. Felix supposes that not everyone from Seoul dresses over the top and carries themselves with extravagance, arrogance, and loudly, like they want everyone to know of their presence. It's refreshing, relieving. It makes him a little less scared. 

“You’ve got a pretty face.” Hyunjin comments, honest and thoughtful.  

“Thanks.” Felix replies, unsure what else to say.

“Neither arrogant nor humble,” Hyunjin hums. It sounds like he’s talking to himself. “That’s good. We have an image. It makes things easier.” Felix wonders what he means.

District 10’s specialty is livestock, so Hyunjin dresses him in normal clothes, plain and monochrome, but it’s the large coat draped over him that makes things special. It’s thick, made of animal skin, warm and fancy fur, and makes him appear bigger than he really is. They dye his hair blonde and raise it up, showing his forehead, and emphasize the blush on his cheeks and the fairness of his skin. By the time they’re finished, he looks brighter, older, more mature. _Like a model_. Hyunjin had said, sounding proud.

“You looked good.” Changbin says later, when the parade’s finished and they’re in the dressing room. There aren’t supposed to be any outsiders coming in, mentor or not, but Hyunjin was surprisingly familiar with Changbin, more than just something on professional, distant terms, so the victor was an exemption. Changbin was right; the people remembered Felix for his beauty. The makeover probably played a big part in that too, but Felix doesn’t really care. “I almost didn’t recognize you.”

Felix didn’t recognize himself either. When he first looked at the mirror and saw how dolled up he got, he realized that he didn’t know the person staring back at him, that this person right in front of him wasn’t the same kid from District 10 who got enthusiastic over making traps and bugged his favorite hyung to teach him more about fighting. He has to be a different person now; put on a mask, a show, and make it good. Be someone Seoul wants, not someone he is.

But Seoul’s no longer watching him, and it’s just Changbin in the room. Felix picks up one of the beanies and puts it on, tucking in his blonde hair and hiding it, gets a special cloth Hyunjin gave him and tries wiping off the foundation and bit of lipstick on his face. Around Changbin, he doesn’t have to put on a mask, a show. Doesn't have to make it good, just has to make it real. “How about now?” he asks.

Changbin licks his lips, like he’s fighting off a smile, and Felix wonders if there are some things that haven’t changed. “Now I do.”

 

 ♕

>  changbin

“You should’ve taught me all those years ago.” Felix says, after the scores come out. 5 out of 8. Average. It’s not bad, but it’s not as high as Changbin’s was. Creative and good with traps, but they take too much time and materials he won’t have during the Games itself. His skills in combat and weaponry barely make the average, because he only knows street fighting, child’s play compared to all the other tributes, who are all scarily good as compared to the ones from the previous Games. It’ll most likely affect who decides to sponsor, and they both know this. “Like I said you should.”

“I’m a shit teacher.”

“You’re not.” Felix is frustrated at him, and Changbin hates it, but it’ll fizz out quickly, because the younger’s never been able to hold a grudge for long, especially not at him. He forgets his anger too easily, never stays attached to negativity. It’s one of the things Changbin loves about him. “You’re just scared.”

Of course he is.

 

 ♕

>  felix

“What happened to you?” Changbin asks, looking down at him. Felix is nine and sprawled on the dirty ground, and he doesn’t ever want to get up.

“Thieves. Just the usual.” Felix says. There are a lot of them in District 10 because it‘s one of the poorer areas. Changbin and Felix are considered well-off despite being orphans, just because Chan took them in and somehow manages to never run out of food. Lots of people end up going after them though, but at least they’re mostly other kids like them. Yet, it’s still tiring, and Felix is not as invincible as he looks. “You weren’t there, so I had to deal with them.”

“Did you win?”

“Obviously.”

“You don’t look like you did.”

Felix scoffs. “They’re in way worse shape than me, I swear.”

Changbin frowns. “You shouldn’t fight if they end up making you look this ugly.”

He sticks out his tongue at the older. “Whatever. It’s your fault for not coming fast enough.” Changbin is still staring, and Felix recognizes the look on his face. “Why do you look so mad?”

“I’m not mad.”

“You look like you are.”

“I’m not.” He insists, but he’s giving up on arguing with Felix. “Why don’t you get up already? You look stupid like that.”

“Maybe I like it here on the ground.” says Felix. “The sky actually looks nice from this view.”

Changbin kicks him in the side. It’s more of a soft nudge, but Felix winces and groans. “Knew it.” He says, more to himself. He squats down, grinning smugly. “Hyung’s going to kill you for letting yourself get carried away.”

“He’s going to kill _you_ for letting me get injured.” Felix retorts, and Changbin’s expression falters. Felix laughs, but then it hurts, so he stops. The older sighs.

“I hate it when you’re right.” He mutters, slipping his arms under the younger and hoisting him up. Felix yelps, surprised at the movement, and Changbin lifts him up easily, bridal-style, like he doesn’t weigh much. The younger thinks he should eat more.

“Well, this is romantic.” Felix muses loudly as they head back into the house. “How many girls have you done this to?”

“You’re annoying.” The older tells him, but his cheeks are flushed. Felix, despite how much it hurts to move, presses closer to Changbin’s chest. The latter adjusts his hold, makes sure the younger’s comfortable despite his claims. “You shouldn’t do that again.” He says, a few moments later. “You shouldn’t fight. I don’t like seeing you injured.”

Felix blinks, surprised. “You're stupid.” he tells him, after a pause. “Why should I care if you don’t like seeing me hurt?” But he can’t help but be touched by the confession, and though he can’t do as Changbin wants, he keeps the other’s worries close to his heart.

 

 ♕

>  changbin

When Minho’s name was picked, Changbin was fifteen. Jisung immediately tried to volunteer because he didn’t think twice about sacrificing himself, but one incredibly nasty glare from Minho stopped him.

“It’s better this way.” Minho says. Changbin’s mentored tributes older than him, but this is different, because it’s Minho. He’s sixteen and a tribute and Changbin is fifteen and a victor and he’s going to mentor his hyung, his family, going to be in-charge of training him and practically ensuring his survival, and this is screwed up.  “Better me than them.”

Changbin thought that same thing when he got Reaped. He thought that, after he won, no one he loved would have to think the same things he thought, no one he loved would have to go through the same experience he went through. He was wrong and stupid, because look what’s happening now.

“You didn’t do anything wrong.” Minho reassures him. “Sometimes things just happen.”

 _It shouldn’t happen to them._ Changbin thinks. He does so well and Seoul loves him and shouldn’t that merit them at least something good? It shouldn’t happen to them. It shouldn’t.

 

 ♕

>  felix

Even before he got Reaped, Felix often watched the tapes. Changbin had said to learn how to fight through watching the tributes and the past Games, because he refused to teach the younger anything. Felix hated him for it, but he also thinks that Changbin has his own reasons. After Changbin won and his own performance was recorded, Felix ended up watching that the most, the only way he was able to learn Changbin’s moves without it being taught to him. Changbin’s techniques became second instinct and Felix feels himself get closer to his hyung.

“We’ve seen your performance. You move familiarly.” Jackson, the host, notes during the interview. The lights are too bright and the eyes trained on him are too many, but Felix doesn’t shy away from it. _Deepen your voice, be enthusiastic, act like you’re young and innocent._ Changbin’s firm voice echoes in his mind. He phrased it like it was advice, but it’s more like a command. _Pretend like you’re carelessly giving them a piece of you. They’ll feast on it like vultures and adore you for it._ “Anyone we know?”

“One of the previous victors, someone I really idolize.” Felix answers, and he doesn’t have to lie about this like he did for every other question. “I used to watch his Games over and over again until I could copy him.” He still can’t compete to the original though. Changbin has moves Felix has never seen, and they only grow in number each time they spar. The elder’s a true beast, cold and dangerous and merciless. Blank. He’s a different person when he fights, as if violence is in his DNA and he has nothing to lose. He’s naturally good; Felix sometimes envies him for that. It’s why the older never has to worry the same way others do. “SpearB, my mentor.” The crowd whispers, makes sounds among themselves, recognizing who Felix is talking about. The child prodigy who slaughtered all the other tributes that he came across with his capability to create a weapon out of anything. He won by driving a wooden, makeshift spear through two Careers in one swing, his last opponents. Seoul’s supposed favorite killing machine.

 

“I think you gave them a bigger chunk of you than needed.” Changbin tells him later, but he doesn’t sound angry.

Felix shrugs. “They seemed to love it.”

“Yeah,” he agrees, soft. He’s probably thinking about the possible sponsors, if Felix will get the ones he got when he competed. “Did you mean it?”

“Mean what?”

“When you said that I was your inspiration.”

Felix grins, and it’s as playful as the ones he flashed in the interview. “What do you think?”

 

 ♕

>  changbin

“Say you’ll save him.” Chan tells him. “Promise them.” _Promise me._ _Promise us and keep it this time, because that’s all you can do_.

“Okay.” says Changbin, because that’s the only way he’ll ever allow himself to come back to his family, because Chan sounds desperate and scared and he’s not supposed to be, because he's suffered enough. Because it’s Felix.

 

 ♕

>  felix

Victors’ Village, despite its high quality design and beautiful location, is a place Felix doesn’t like going to, doesn’t even remotely envy. It’s more or less empty and void of people, just because there’s only one living victor of their district, and he’s a fourteen-year-old kid.

The isolated atmosphere it gave off is mainly why they had declined Changbin’s offer for them to all move in to the village, prompting Changbin to refuse to live there as well. But Chan insisted that the younger at least put some of his belongings in his new house just to show that he wasn’t wasting the privileges given to him as a victor. “You don’t have to _actually_ live there.” Chan had told him, with the others watching as the two eldest bickering. “It can just become a personal space of yours if you want some alone time. Or for your future family someday.”

It became something like a storage house, in the end. They gathered all the things they didn’t immediately need and the things that weren’t anymore essential but didn’t have the heart to throw out, packed them up, and decided to put there. They ranged from baby equipment to broken but fixable materials to objects of sentimental value, things that reminded them of their childhood, of their family and life before becoming orphans, and everything ended up in the house at Victors’ Village. The removal of all that junk gave them more space in the actual house to accommodate new things and the new addition to their family: Seungmin, who Chan had taken in while Changbin was in the Games. Felix had wondered how Changbin would react, if it was going to seem like Chan was replacing him in case he didn’t actually make it out alive, but the victor didn’t seem to mind or care. He got along with Seungmin anyway, just like he did with everyone else.

Felix and Changbin do the transferring, while Jisung and Seungmin handle the task of wrapping the things all together. Felix doesn’t mind, even if he doesn’t like Victors’ Village. Just the fact that Changbin’s with him already fixes the situation.

“I’m not getting the bundles.” Felix tells him, looking at the five he’s carrying. “Who wraps stuff like this anyway?”

“Jisung, apparently.” Changbin replies in amusement, with bundles of his own in his arms. “It’s a recent thing, I think. Got it from Minho-hyung.”

“Minho?”

“He’s a year younger than Chan-hyung. Jisung spends most of his time with him when he’s not in the house.” It sounds like Changbin’s met him, like he’s also a friend of his. Felix feels weirdly upset by that. “You should meet him. I think you’ll like him.”

“Nah,” he says, stepping into the house, probably stomping his feet a bit too loudly. From the outside, it doesn’t look that much bigger than their home, but the inside changes things, points out the real differences. The space is bigger, the ceiling is higher, and everything’s newer, unused. The house absorbs the sunlight that slips through so easily, making the place look bright. He admittedly thinks it’d be a nice place to live in, but he’s also fine with Chan’s decision.

Felix remembers Chan’s words to Changbin, and huffs, dumping the stupid bundles on the floor unceremoniously.

“What’s wrong with you?” asks Changbin, setting the things down someplace else and walking to him.

“Nothing’s wrong.” Felix grunts out, but he’s bad at hiding it.

“Don’t lie to me.” Changbin says, and it almost sounds like a whine more than a demand. Felix laughs, despite himself, bad mood fading because Changbin’s tone is ridiculous, and he hates himself for getting so affected, for getting so easily swayed.

“It’s really nothing.” Felix tells him, because jealousy is stupid and he isn’t actually that mad anymore.

Changbin makes a face and reaches out to flick his forehead. “Why are you keeping things from me?”

“I’m not.”

“Yes, you are.” He insists. “I wasn’t even gone for long.” Changbin’s voice is casual, light, but the younger can read the disappointment in it, that he’s upset. It takes Felix aback, how clear the emotions are in the other, because he isn’t normally like this. He wonders if it’s a result of the Games, wonders if that’s the main effect of the experience. It could be worse, and he knows how worse it can get, but he still doesn’t like it. 

So Felix kisses him in response, quick and simple, because as different Changbin may be, slight change or not, his feelings aren’t changing. It’s still gross, because Felix is thirteen and Changbin’s fourteen and they don’t know how kisses work, but the younger doesn’t regret it. “That’s why.” He says, pulling away, face incredibly red. Changbin blinks, and then he blushes too. Maybe he isn’t so different after all.

 

 ♕

>  changbin

“You were really cool.” Felix says as Changbin patches him up. He’s in a worse state than Changbin is, even though the older fought more. Felix looks frustrated at the bandages wrapped around his arms, a sign of his loss, his weakness, but Changbin runs his hands through them gently in an attempt to soothe him. “I wish I could be like you.”

“You shouldn’t be like me.” Changbin says, because he looks into Felix’s eyes and doesn’t see himself. “You should be better.”

 

 ♕

>  felix

“Binnie-hyung,” Felix starts. “Were you scared?”

“Of what?”

“Of dying. During the Games.”

“I thought I was.” he admits. “But then I realized that there are more things I’m scared of than just dying.” He pauses. “Like the people I love dying.”

Felix can’t really associate fear with Changbin, can’t process it. It’s probably because all his life, the elder’s always been strong, unshakable, fearless. Somewhere along the way, he forgot that the other’s just like him, still knows fear and most likely lives with it every day. He’s just good at hiding it. Felix wishes he were the same, but he isn’t.

“Hyung,” he says, and his voice is shaking. “I’m scared.” _I’m scared of dying, scared of killing, scared of losing my life, scared of losing you._

“I know.” Changbin says, because he does. Felix falls asleep out of exhaustion, and he doesn’t know whether he really dreamt that Changbin wiped his tears away and kissed his cheeks or not.

 

 ♕

>  changbin

“If I don’t survive this,” Minho says. “Just know that it wasn’t your fault.”

 

 ♕

>  felix

Changbin makes up for what he’s never taught Felix for years all in one week. Felix learns quickly, but he doesn’t have the time to learn all he wants, all he needs.

“Don’t reveal all your tricks just yet.” The older says, pinning him down on the mat. “Spread them out. Know when to use them. Don’t brag; don’t get cocky. Anything can kill you. Don’t make allies unless you have a plan on how to kill them. Don’t kill anyone unless you gain something or they’re trying to kill you.”

Felix practices making smaller traps with scarce materials while Changbin goes to train and advise Yeji, who has a different strategy, a different method for surviving. He gets better at using his body, to run or to fight, and he learns how to use weapons at a higher level than his pitiful self-taught version. He lacks Changbin’s adaptability to different kinds of weapons, but he won’t need it, because he’s not a close-range fighter. He’s not as good as Changbin is, but Changbin says they’re not really training to make Felix like him, but to appear like Felix is aiming to be.

“But didn’t I just show you them all?” Felix asks, teasing. He tries to bash his head against Changbin’s in retaliation, but the other pulls back, loosens his hold, and the blonde uses that opportunity to turn things around, toppling the other, holding him down with his legs, forearm carefully positioned at the elder’s throat like a knife, the only weapon he knows how to use best.

“Not all.” Changbin says, staring into his eyes. Felix’s hand falls, lets the threat in them subside, and at this proximity, wants to kiss him. The victor doesn’t move away or escape like Felix expects him to, when the younger leans, and their hands somehow find one another in the process, entwining. He doesn’t know whose hand is bigger, but he thinks Changbin’s is warmer.

Changbin neither resists nor invites, only waits and anticipates, and that’s all Felix really needs to take action, give in to what he wants. They kiss, the first time they’ve done so in years, and maybe it’s a bad idea, because it might affect Changbin, might affect Felix himself in the latter run, and maybe it’s best to wait, for when (or _if_ , because nobody really knows) things get better, but Felix doesn’t care, kisses Changbin because he means it– has _always_ meant it, regardless of everything, and thinks: _I’m in love with him. I always have been._

 

 ♕

>  changbin

“Chan-hyung, you’re so cruel.” Changbin says, even if there’s no one in the hall. His voice is trembling, and he thinks he’s going to cry. “Making me promise that.”

Not like he wouldn’t do it anyway, promise or not. It’s Felix. He’d do everything for him.

 

 ♕

>  felix

The lights are off, but Felix knows Changbin’s inside the large house at Victors’ Village. It’s because of the large lump on the couch, and even in the dark, he can see the outline of Changbin’s cap. The bit of moonlight in the room lets him see that the elder’s back is turned towards him, and he’s probably asleep.

Felix flicks the light switch on. Immediately, Changbin jumps to his feet, alert and tense, and suddenly there’s a knife pressed against Felix’s throat.

“Changbinnie-hyung,” he says, voice soft. “It’s me.”

Changbin’s eyes widen, and he lowers the knife. He looks guilty, about to apologize, but then he decides not to, for whatever reason. “Yeah,” he replies, volume almost like a whisper. The knife gleams in his hand, even if he keeps it to the side, hidden. Felix recognizes it. “It is you.”

“Yeah,” he shuffles, notices the dark circles in Changbin’s eyes, the slump of his shoulders, the unnatural paleness of his skin and the sweat that clings onto him. He wasn’t like this back when he first won the Games, but Felix remembers Seungmin telling him that different things affect different people, and that Changbin can’t stay strong forever. “ _There’s a breaking point.”_ He had said. “ _I think hyung’s experiencing his.”_

Changbin turns around, noticing what Felix is doing. The latter pretends like the action means nothing, and sees how Changbin’s hand twitches when he’s about to slip the knife back in his pocket, like he’s hesitant. He ends up putting it down on the coffee table.

“You thought I was someone else?” asks Felix, stepping forward.

“Minho-hyung.” Changbin says. “He used to call me that.” He says it like an offhand comment, something he doesn’t want Felix to give much notice to. “Why’d you come? Hungry?” He walks into the kitchen and dining area. Felix follows and says nothing about the broken glass and plates scattered all around the floor. Changbin moves like the mess doesn't actually exist. “I have food, but it’s not the kind of stuff you like.”

“Hyung,” Felix starts, as Changbin gets a mug from the sink. “I came here for you.”

Changbin doesn’t reply, instead pouring coffee into the mug, even though he looks like he’s getting just for the sake of it. Felix wonders if the elder’s going to be like this for the whole night, if it’s really going to be a lost cause like Chan had told him it’d be, but then Changbin turns to him and sighs deeply, somehow knowing.

 

They sit by the sidewalk, facing towards the empty street but mostly gazing at the night sky. The night air is cold, but it fazes neither of them. Changbin drinks his coffee and Felix stares at him, wondering what to say.

“Did hyung send you?” Changbin asks, breaking the silence.

“No.” says Felix. “No one did. I came here because I wanted to.”

“Don’t know why you would.” The older says, sounding painfully honest. “After what happened.”

“It doesn’t matter to me.” Felix tells him, but the words don’t come out the way he wants them to. He amends them, adds to it. “It’s not your fault.”

“I could’ve still done something about it though, could’ve changed things.” Felix doesn’t reply, because he doesn’t know anything for certain.

“Anything could happen,” he explains, careful, because he’s younger and less experienced than Changbin, but there are things he knows that the other doesn’t.

The older laughs darkly, like there’s sort of reference or punchline to Felix’s words that Felix doesn’t know of. “Sounds familiar.” He says dryly, miserably.

Felix continues. “But only certain things _did_ happen, and we can’t change any of it.” Felix, at least, believes that.

“But I can.” Changbin argues. “I’m a victor– I have the privilege, the power. I can make things different, better.”

“No one expects you to do everything.”

“I’m not going to do everything; I’m just going to do what I can.” His volume is rising, and it almost sounds passionate, enthusiastic, but then his voice breaks, and the edge Felix hears is just desperation, faithless hope. “I’m not going to lose anyone I love again.”

He isn’t crying, but Felix reaches out to him like he is. Changbin leans to him, and their foreheads bump together, gently, like best friends, like family, like something more. “You should like you have a plan.” Felix murmurs.

“I do.” Changbin says, sounding so sure despite the softness in his voice. He’s always so certain of things, even if he’s still young and isn’t supposed to know any better. There’s a distant look on his face, a sign that he’s distracted, thinking of other things, and Felix, right now, feels like he’s going to lose something.

Felix leans in closer and boops the other’s nose, getting his attention back. He kisses Changbin before the latter can say anything, longer than any of the previous ones they had, like he’s trying to tell the older something he can’t form with words. Felix doesn’t know what it is, but maybe it’s okay, because Changbin doesn’t ask, only kisses him back.

Felix doesn’t see or talk to him the next day. And the next four years. When he does, Felix is a tribute, Changbin is his mentor, and in the end, nothing’s really gotten better. 

 

 ♕

>  changbin

“I’m sorry.” Changbin says. He’s drunk, but the words are as honest as ever, and he’s crying freely, the first time he’s ever done so in years. “Hyung is so sorry.”

“Why are you sorry?” Felix asks, tightening his hold on the other, like he doesn’t want him to collapse, doesn’t want to let go. Changbin doesn’t want him to. He’s nineteen and Felix is only eighteen and Minho was sixteen when he died, and Changbin doesn’t know the probability of Felix surviving, can’t do the math because logic doesn’t work against fate and according to Minho, _sometimes things just happen_. He doesn’t know and he isn’t sure, and he hates uncertainty so much because it makes powerless and useless and terrified and he can only think of crying. “It’s not your fault.”

Minho told him that same thing, but isn’t it though? He didn’t do anything, but maybe the issue isn’t that he didn’t do anything, but that he didn’t do enough.

Yet he doesn’t know _what_ to do, doesn’t know what will be enough. Maybe nothing ever will be.

 

 ♕

>  felix

They drink sweet champagne and stick close to one another during a public party between tributes and victors the night before the Games itself. They don’t interact with anyone else, though it looks like some people want to approach them. Yeji flits around with other tributes, fitting in, and Felix wonders if that’s part of her strategy to winning. Changbin’s mindlessly humming a tune to a song that sounds a lot like the one Jisung made for Jeongin’s birthday. A song about unconditional love, because Jisung’s always tended to be sentimental.

“Do you love me?” Felix asks, because the chandelier is fancy, the room is bright with gold, and Changbin looks handsome. It makes Felix’s heart swell, because Seo Changbin is beautiful and he knows he loves him.   

“Sometimes I wish I didn’t.” he answers. But Changbin kisses him hard when they’re all alone and he doesn’t really mean what he’s saying. Felix doesn’t get an explicit _I love you_ , but he thinks that’s alright. Neither of them needs that burden anyway. They already have enough.

 

 ♕

>  changbin

“If I don’t survive this–” Felix starts.

“Shut up.” Changbin says. _Shut up, shut up, shut up._ “You will.” He will survive; he has to. Changbin’s fraying on the edges of sanity and he needs Felix to keep him afloat, needs Felix because he loves him and so do so many other people, because the older made a promise and he cannot lose anyone ever again. _Especially_ not him.

Felix will survive; Changbin will make sure of it.

**Author's Note:**

> this was so self-indulgent bye icb i managed to plot and write this all out in a few days. also idk if i did their ages right, especially with the new year age thing. hope y’all enjoyed it though, and if you don’t get some stuff, you can just ask, and i’ll be glad to clarify any of them (even stuff abt the other members)~ my twt and cc are in my profile, if you wanna hmu :D


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